AN ANNOTATED THERMOMETER
60 -Californians put on sweaters(if they can find one in their wardrobe)
50 -Miami residents turn on the heat
40 -You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably Minnesotans go swimming.
35 -Italian cars don’t start
32 -Water freezes
30 -You plan your vacation to Australia, Minnesotans put on T-shirts, Politicians begin to worry about the homeless, British cars don’t start
25 -Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming
20 -You can hear your breath, Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further south
15 -French cars don’t start, You plan a vacation in Mexico, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you 10 -Too cold to ski, You need jumper cables to get your car going 5 -You plan your vacation in Houston, American cars don’t start 0 -Alaskans put on T-shirts, too cold to skate -10 -German cars don’t start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink
-15 -You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansas residents stick tongues to metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist
-20 -Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don’t start
-25 -Too cold to think, You need jumper cables to get driver going
-30 -You plan a two week hot bath, The Mighty Monongajela freezes. Swedish cars don’t start
-40 -Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweaters, your car helps you plan your trip south
-50 -Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window
-60 -Hell freezes over, Polar bears move south!!
The OTHER Annotated Thermometer…
40 Siberians melt.
50 Scandinavians sweat.
70 Alaskans declare record heatwave. Californians rise from hibernation.
80 Canadians turn on the air conditioning full blast. Arizona residents stop shivering.
90 Death Valley residents awaken. Scandinavians go underground.
100 British start sacrificing goats to make the sun go away. Californians finally turn off the heaters.
105 Texans drink coffee. Alaskans melt.
110 Arabians awaken and thaw. Canadians weep. New Yorkers burst open street fire hydrants.
120 Australians notice the sun is out. All Europeans and Canadians spontaneously combust.
130 Too hot to think. Texans and Californians undo top button. Antarctica is gone, polar bears extinct.
150 Miami residents put on sunglasses. Texans turn on the fan.
200 Arizona children amuse themselves by dropping eggs on sidewalk and giggle while they fry.
212 Water Boils. Death Valley residents put on deodorant.
327 Lead Boils. Okies notice it is warm out.
345 Saharans comment that the sand is a little stingy today.
400 Camels die.
2000 Nuclear blast nominal yield.